Endings and Beginnings

August 4, 2024

Currently Listening To: My Favorite Mr. Suicide Sheep Mix

Currently Feeling: Nostalgic

A lot happened since my last blog post three weeks ago. Let's start with some blog updates first, and then we'll work our way to more complex subjects.

I finally have a button! Look look look:

This took me probably about two afternoons to make. I made the art in MS Paint (of course), and then added a small flickering campfire. I had to make a couple of different images to make the fire and smoke flicker back and forth, and then load these images into photoshop to turn them into a gif. This was the most difficult part of the whole process, as I understand photoshop more on a conceptual level than an actual 'how to use this app' level. Nevertheless, through this tutorial here, I was able to succeed. I had made gifs using the 'video to frames' feature, but I had never done it with an image sequence. Now that I sort of have the hang of it, it's not terrible, but figuring it out was a little agonizing. I may make a full tutorial when I have more energy later

I am pretty happy with the results, the fire looks better than I thought it did. I love my little dragon; I have always loved dragons since I was a young kid, and my tumblr is also full of them. I figured it would make a good first button. I may clean it up a little more in the future but right now I am a little sick of staring at paint, especially with a canvas as small as 88x33. Small victory! I love little projects like this. Makes me feel happy when I complete it, and then I have a little thing. Something like this especially, as I am currently MOVING (more on that later) and having a little digital item rather than a physical item is pretty nice right now.

A few other things I thought I'd mention. I follow Aywren's Blog, an excellent website and blog. I was reading some of her updates and learned about Blaugust, an annual Blogging celebration put on by Aggronaut. This is rather exciting! Though this month is a liiiiiiiiiiittle busy (aforementioned moving), I thought I'd shout it out. Hopefully I can get a couple more blogs in before the end of this month as a minor motivation (but if I don't, there's a reason why ;).

So you probably noticed my 'nostalgic' feeling up at the top of the blog. The last three weeks have been bursting to say the least. I returned to my hometown in the Fingerlakes region of Upstate NY(which I mentioned in my previous post. One of my closest friends invted me to a music festival, a smallish local one that's been struggling to come back since the lockdown portion of covid. This year was a bit of a return to form for them, inviting some absolute classics. The festival is run by Donna the Buffalo, so they performed, and then a support of locals (Old Crow Medecine Show, The Blind Spots), classic bands that play at this festival nearly every year (Giant Panda Guerrila Dub Squad; a number of Zydeco bands that I always confuse with each other), MAVIS STAPLES!!!!!, and Molly Tuttle. The lineup was generally great, though with the exception of Staples, nothing wholy spectacular. That's ok. This fest isn't about groundbreaking performances, it's much more about the vibe. And swimming in the water holes of the nearby river (a staple of upstate NY culture). Honestly, my favorite part of the fest was less the headliners and more of the small bands. The fest's community stage, which has been historically deeply unorganized, this year was probably my favorite stage. Much more organized this go around. Shoutouts to the smaller bands I really, really enjoyed: Bombino, Sihasen, The Grady Girls, Ram Haiti, Strange Heavy, Hollings, and Sad Sad Sparrow.

Returning to my hometown gets harder and harder each time I do, not because I dislike it. Quite the opposite. It's because I love it so much that leaving is that much more painful each time I do. I feel very lucky, and very grateful, that I got to grow up there. During the Old Crow set, the former frontman (native of Watkin's Glen of the Fingerlakes) who is performing with the band again, began singing about coming back to Watkin's Glen. The song was more of a poem, of him talking about the feeling of returning to this place, a very special place. About how when he comes back to this place, looking at the lakes and the lush forest and the rolling hills, it's so easy to look around and believe in God, to see the natural beauty of the earth and feel Her heartbeat.

I am not a religious person, but I would consider myself spiritual, and hearing this made me cry. There are a lot of emotions floating around in me right now: I move at the end of the month, which is a rather large deal for me, as I have been living at my current house for 4 years. I feel the vibrancy of my wonderful life thrumming in the walls of this house; this house has seen it all. And like Watson, coming home makes my heart full. It fills my cup, it fills my cup. I can't say I don't absolutely love my city. I owe everything in this city to shaping my adult self, all of the good and all of the bad. But my life moves differently when I'm in NY. A different pace. I like my busy life, I'm the type of person who does prefer having plans most evenings of the week, but there is a level of rejuvination I miss in the city that I feel so fulfiled by when I am in the rolling forests of upstate NY. I broke down and absolutely sobbed into my friend's shoulder. A good, rigorous cry, but a cry nonetheless.

On a happier note, this is the three of us (me, my very good friend, and her newish partner whom I got to know a little bit more during this fest). Can you tell how absolutely blasted I was when I took this pic? XD

There have beena lot of emotions at play. Coupled with this, my Dungeons and Dragons campaign of FOUR YEARS finished last week. I am stunned, I am fulfiled, I am so, so, so eternally grateful for this most wonderful group of people I have been weaving this beautiful story with. Our campaign began in February of 2020, about 5 months before I moved into my current house, so you can see the sort of lining up of all of these events coming to fruition at once (and thus, the rollick of emotion). Nevertheless, we set out to tell a beautiful story, each of us ready to commit to the energy of prioritizing this campaign, ready for that commitment. It started out as four of us (my most wonderful, amazing, incredible, best-in-the-world DM, and three extraordinary players), and then one more person was added for four of the major arcs.

I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to play with. The world we created together was so immersive, so cinematic and well-lived, that each week we would get together, and lose ourselves in our story. When I was feeling down, I would be lifted up with DnD. It was such an important part of my life, and though I will continue to game with these friends, it will not be the same. This is a truth I have to accept. One of them (one of my closest friends in this area) is moving back to the West Coast, a long time certainty finally coming to fruition. It was a hell of a fucking ride, and I couldn't be more grateful or more fulfiled by this story. After we finished the final session, we talked for about 90 minutes after (which was absolutely needed; our DM prepped some aftercare questions to bring us down from the high, and it was definitely needed). One of the first things I said was this: I will always be Golden Hour of Sweet Song [my character]. This campaign was life-changing, and it will stay with me for the rest of my life. I will always remember this.

I stand by those words...it was brilliant from start to finish. Photos below, of the original party, the BBEGs, and of us with our level 20 character sheets looking like huge nerds who just got their diplomas XD (original art by Olivia Joy Taylor, check here out here

So, nostalgia continues to come in waves. It's both a painful feeling, for there is no point in yearning for a past that you can never return to, but rather, must make room in your heart to remember. But I'll allow the indulgence. There's a lot happening right now, and big emotions get a little extra space to linger. There's a mourning period...I'll never be there again. Those times have passed, and the future is bright, even though the world is a hard place to be right now. But there are good things here too: my friends, my games, good music, and lush forests. These are the things I can continue to carry forward into the future.

*wipes away my tears*

I think that just about does it! Thanks for sitting through a long one. If I'm not back again before the end of the month, you know why (moving house!). Until then, I'll continue to make minor updates to the site, even if I don't blog. I imagine you notice the small changes...I'll save a full breakdown for a future post. Time to treat myself to some games this evening: continuing my playthrough of Disco Elysium, and probably nightcapping with more FFXIV (not current; I'm back in Stormblood, so much progress to go). Until then, Cheers all! XOXO -- Storm